New Year New Me: A Year of Reconstruction, Restoration, & a Big Chop

New Year, New Me, New Hair

Soooooooo, I did a thing!  I did a big chop! For those who may not know a big chop is when you cut all of your hair to a very short length from its much longer length. In order to understand what prompted this, you have to know a little bit of the back story, so let me tell you.

 This year I turned 40 and whew did my eyes open to some things. I’m sure we have all had a moment of reflection like this.  I began to look at my life and realized I’m not where I thought I would be, where I want to be, I haven't done the things that I wanted to do by now and some old layers that I thought would be gone by now are still with me. I really had to sit with this for a moment. I had just come out of one of the roughest and lowest seasons of my life and had no hope or faith that anything would happen for me.  I am not going to lie to you friends, it was a challenge for me to not fall into despair when I thought about it.  Ohhh but the promises that rest over my life kept coming back to mind.

By the mercies of God, as He begin to pull me out of the muck and mire, from the lowest pit, the absolute ugliest season I have ever experienced, He began to restore what was lost in that season. And trust me, it was A LOT! There was a lot that God had to strip from me, and strip out of me, and it was not comfortable. AT ALL! In it all He was taking what was not like him and building on my character to be more like His. I was under construction. If you ever look at a construction site it looks like there's a lot going on at any given time. There's a lot of noise, a lot of moving parts, things being broken, built up and this is what was happening to me spiritually and naturally. It’s still happening.

What was being revealed to me was that my character needed a lot of work, and that part of the reconstruction was God giving me the identity he wanted me to have all along. He wanted me to bear the fruit of His spirit and to bear His character.  This is a process I'm still currently going through and understanding more and more as the process progresses, but during this phase of the process I did not fully understand what God was doing.  Because I couldn’t fully see what He was doing, I resisted the process at times.  Don’t be like me friends. God didn't want me to think the way I used to, to behave the way I used to, to perceive things the way I used to, to interact the way I used to, he literally wanted to create a new me. This was hard for me because I had no idea what this new version of me was going to look like, I only knew the old version of me. And even though I knew I no longer wanted to be that girl; it was hard to submit to what God was doing because I didn't know who I would become. I had this unsettling fear of the unknown.

It sounds crazy when you think about it. You know you want to be a better person but you're afraid to let go in order to be the better person. But it was because I had spent almost 39 years with the old girl and had no idea who the New Girl even was. But as God began to restore me, he reminded me of promises for healing and visions and glimpses of who I would be as he handcrafted me all over again. It's amazing how we can profess to be people of faith and still lack faith in such a small area and not even realize it. I hadn't realized that I didn't fully trust God to make me over again. That required me to be vulnerable, relinquish control, to acknowledge things that were hard, to have hard conversations, and to acknowledge my shortcomings in a way that I had never done before. And it was scary to say the least. But in all of it, I began to remind myself that God's word never fails. If he promised that by the end of the process, He would look on his creation that he handcrafted again and call it good, I would be OK.

So, what does all this have to do with the big chop?  Well as God began to restore and refine and I stopped resisting the process in some areas (hey, I'm still a work in progress), I began to notice some internal change.  I wasn't fully where God was trying to take me, but I wasn't in the same place that I was in the previous season. Thank God for that! I had been contemplating cutting my hair because in the low season I endured so much stress that my hair began to shed excessively.  I considered cutting it all off to start over on a healthy hair journey. Turning 40 had me deep in reflection—like, seriously "How did I get here?"  As I reflected, and thought more about my hair, God hit me with a plot twist—“Cut it all off.”

Cue the dramatic gasp and pearl clenching.

He told me that as He purifies me, and does a work on the inside, the outer appearance would begin to match the inner change.  I was stunned!  I booked an appointment with my stylist, AKA my bestie and instructed her to cut it all off.

Mind you, I have never had hair this short. My hair has always been long, always down my back stopping about midway way. The shortest I ever had was a long-layered bob. So, to go from having long hair to a Pixie cut with no hesitation was different for me. I had no idea what I would even look like with short hair. But I had reached a point where I didn't even care. I wanted what God wanted for me in that moment.  If he said I'm going to make the outer match the inner that's what I wanted.

Entering My Short Hair Era

I sat in the chair eagerly as my stylist asked me if I was sure a couple of times, and I had never been more sure of anything ever.  She started by putting my hair in a ponytail and then cutting the ponytail.  The moment those scissors snipped, I felt something shift. And no, it wasn’t just the breeze hitting my freshly exposed scalp. It was freedom.

I felt a couple of tears flow down my face. They were good tears. I began to look forward to who I was becoming, inside and out. That first cut felt like shedding more than just damaged ends—it was shedding the weight of past disappointments, heaviness, fears, and unrealistic expectations. It was an instant, tangible reminder that God was doing a new thing in me and that He is mindful of me. And let’s be real, nothing screams "fresh start" like a drastic hair change.

But let’s talk about the post-chop realization:

• I looked different (Where did my hair go?!).

• I felt lighter (Was my hair really holding all that stress?!).

• I realized I looked DOPE with short hair (Why didn’t I do this sooner?!).

  
  

This wasn’t just about hair—it was about stepping into a new season of bold faith, reconstruction, restoration, and a new perspective.

It's Just the Beginning

So here I am—40, on a new journey with a short cut. And the best part? I finally understand that reconstruction isn’t a setback—it’s a setup for something greater. I can recognize and understand that I am being repositioned to where God wants me to be even if it looks different that what I thought.  I'm learning to let go of preconceived notions and limitations I placed on myself and God as a result. He can do exceedingly and abundantly above all I can ask or think! I'm learning that in the divine reconstruction God can redeem the time and give beauty for ashes in the process. He’s over here tearing down the old and rebuilding something even better, friends.

So, if you’re feeling overdue for a reset, or just holding on to the old, maybe it’s time to let it go. Trust the process, trust God, and if all else fails… get a good haircut! It’s never too late to start over. 40 and a bald head (lol) look good on me!  Be encouraged friends and share with someone who is on a journey to start over.